I have always been described as a very calm and collected individual. My words are always chosen carefully, I try to look brave in the face of uncertainty or discord. My anxiety, on the other hand, keeps me frozen in fear. With this self-portrait I wanted to convey a sense of that tenebrous, unsettled anxiety that bristles around me through all of my decision-making while also capturing that inner stillness that people mistake for composure. That composure is actually me dissociating, feeling like nothing is real. Everything becomes abstracted and fixed in individual moments in time. Photography has helped me deal with the fallout from my panic attacks and helps me express how these moments feel when words fail me.

Author: alaina hunt is an emerging visual artist currently living and working in oklahoma city. their current focus is on floral and portrait photography, particularly self portraiture that blends the two together.

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